Thursday, June 12, 2014


I can't sleep again, so I've been scrolling through Facebook. One of my friends posted a picture of her stillborn daughter, and I paused, thinking it was an image from a friend who's daughter should be celebrating a birthday. No, this image is new. The grief is fresh. The friend is different. I know of at least four stillbirths in the last 20 years, and countless, countless miscarriages. I commend the brave women who post pictures of their precious babies, I can't bring myself to post any of mine. Maybe it's because William was so young, so tiny. To some he would barely look human, and I fear the criticism. Maybe it's because I've seen so many pictures of developing babies, and from his I don't think he looks 'normal', which would bring out other critics. Maybe I just don't want to relive the grief, or cause others more pain. Whatever my reason, I applaud the women who choose to post pictures. Thank you for doing what I can't.

Earlier this month I attended my first M.E.N.D. meeting. I hope to attend more through the years, and I'm looking for something closer to home to join. This group won't start a chapter in a town with fewer than 3 major hospitals, but I know there have to be other groups out there. I just have to find them. Talking about my experiences in a safe environment brought so much peace, even almost two years later. Hearing from women who are ten and twenty years out was incredibly encouraging. I wish I could start a group around here. Even though we're a small town, there's a large number of miscarriages and stillbirths.

I wish I could wrap my arms around each of the grieving moms I know. Some only carried their babies for a few weeks, others were allowed years to raise them. It doesn't matter how brief the life was, each of these children has made an impact. Each one is precious. If you know an expectant mom, take time to pray for & encourage her today. Let her know she's important. Let her & the dad know they are parents, even if their only child hasn't taken a breath yet. This Father's Day, take time to recognize all the important men in your life, not just the fathers. Miscarriage and stillbirth were taboo for many years, so chances are you know more men who've experienced it than you think.

If you buried a child without telling anyone, I want you to know YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Your child matters. Your grief matters. Your peace with their life matters. The next time you hear of a woman suffering like you, please tell her about your experience. She will find comfort in knowing you've survived so many years later.

Take heart, grieving mom, you are not alone.