Friday, November 15, 2013

Ten Years Later

     Ten years is far too long to be without your best friend. I have several "best friends", so the word probably doesn't mean the same to you as it does to me. My best friends are the people I call or text at almost any hour. They're the ones I come to first for prayer. If we decide to go on an outing and take friends, they're the ones I call. My list of best friends has changed over the years, but there are some lifers on there. If Jason survived, he would've been a lifer.
     Jason and I had a relationship that was different from others. We depended on each other in the hard times. Sure we laughed and joked, but some of our memorable conversations were difficult ones. He got me through middle and high school. If we hadn't met when we did, I honestly don't know where I'd be today. He loved "sweater weather", that time from October to March when comfy sweaters and pajama pants are in style. Christmas was OUR holiday. We marched up and down the school halls singing Christmas carols, we decorated our lockers, and we gave cards to all our friends. It's all we talked about in December (until finals week.) Jason's death was announced on November 16 2003, and one of my first thoughts was "How am I going to survive Christmas?"
     I survived it, somehow. God carried me through. That was one of the more memorable Christmases, and it wasn't all good. I wasn't ready to celebrate yet. I tried, but my heart wasn't in it. It took five years for me to adjust and celebrate the season. Sure I went through the motions, but I wasn't excited. By the time I was ready to celebrate, we were grieving two more losses. Shaun, Hope and my mom made that Christmas exceptionally special. Since then I've been able to enjoy the holiday season, and I've tried to pass some of the joy to Hope. Honestly I don't think I could ever make it through without her & Shaun.
     I've grown so much in the last ten years. I'm now able to look forward to my birthday and Christmas. I also appreciate birthdays. Every one. Even though I'm well past the quarter century and I'm inching toward 30, I'm thankful for every year. Growing older is always something to celebrate! I see each day as a new adventure, a chance to start fresh. Even if everything goes wrong from the minute your feet hit the floor, there's always the chance the next minute things will turn around. I savor time with my family. Sure we have our problems like all families, but we do our best to work through them. I am so thankful for the lessons I learned this year. Turning 27 was incredibly difficult. I was further from 25, and every month was one less in which we could conceive another baby. All I saw was darkness. Now our family is awaiting some news, and even though there's no chance of me getting pregnant, I'm totally okay with that. I'm thankful for Hope and the blessings she brings, and I'm thankful for the lessons William and my other have taught me. Happy Birthday to me (a day early!)!

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