Christmas is my favorite holiday. I love celebrating my savior's birth. I've struggled with feeling the 'Christmas spirit' this year. I wasn't as weepy over William's due date as I was I was last year, but it was still a hard day. We haven't decorated or enjoyed most of our traditions, and that has made it difficult to feel 'Christmassy'.
I spent many years juggling work schedules and family parties. This is the first year in recent memory when we haven't had to do that. I never understood why people would be relieved to work on any holiday, as it just caused stress for us. This year I am thankful to be together, but I can see how any holiday can be heartbreaking.
Right now I'm sitting next to a bassinet purchased for William. Only two things were bought for him; one is a nursing cover I kept hoping we can use it someday, and the other is this bassinet Shaun's grandma bought and stored for us. She lives an hour and a half away, so this is only the second time I've seen it. Last year it brought me to tears and I hated to be near it. Today I was surprised and relieved to see it in the same corner. I was surprised she kept it. I'm so thankful it's here as a reminder William was important, and it's symbolic of the hope we have that one day it will hold our child.
We've enjoyed making memories with our new Christmas Angel. I've read favorite stories with the child I watch, and Hope has read some new ones with me. Did this Christmas turn out the way I'd hoped or planned? Absolutely not. But I'm thankful for another holiday to spend with those I love. I'm thankful for another chance to celebrate my savior. I'm thankful for a child who knows the true meaning of Christmas, and doesn't expect piles of presents.