Monday, August 24, 2015

Who's Timing?

1) Miscarriage
2) Stillbirth
3) Chromosomal disorder
4) Something going wrong during labor and delivery
5) The timing of her arrival (too early, too late, too whatever)

These are the top five things I've worried about this pregnancy. There are others (many others) but these are what have kept me panicking the most. Right now the hot button topic is when will she arrive? For a while we just wanted to make sure she stayed to full term. Now that we're within a week of that, we're all a little more eager for her to arrive. I'm counting kicks almost every waking hour. Her due date is on my weekend with my daughter, so I wasn't worried about her being there. Now it doesn't look like we'll make it that long, which brings up a slew of "what ifs". What if she comes between the 31st and the 4th? Hope will have to miss her first week of dance classes because there won't be anyone available to take her. While it may seem like a little thing and something that shouldn't bother anyone, it bothers me. I want this birth and the subsequent transitions to disrupt her life as little as possible. We all know having a baby changes everything, and there's going to be enough changes in her life in the coming years. Mama bear in me wants her to go to her first week of dance. What if she comes on the 28th? Who will take Hope to her dad's? My mom (her usual ride if I'm unavailable) will be with us at the hospital. Obviously Shaun won't be able to take her.

Something about yesterday's sermon hit me. I need to seek God's will, not man's. She will come when God's ready. Not when Shaun wants (yesterday), not when Hope wants (Christmas), not when I want (this week). God is still teaching me about his timing. He's still teaching me to fully trust Him. You'd think after everything we've been through I'd be there. Unfortunately, the sin of worry quickly creeps into my life. Often it's so fast I don't even realize it's happening. This week my prayer is that God will align my will with his. As I'm preparing for this appointment later today I keep praying for God's will. I'm praying to be content in all circumstances, even if it means a scheduled induction next week. As it is I'm not having the natural birth I wanted.

One last thing; I want to say thanks again to everyone who's helped through this pregnancy. Another sweet friend dropped off a swing and bunting for her car seat on Friday. A friend from church properly installed her seat yesterday. More friends have sent cards and gifts this week. We greatly appreciate each one. And I have a generous friend who has agreed to keep Hope overnight if the baby comes when she's with me. My family has helped organize and sent supplies we've asked for. Shaun's family is still sending clothes in various sizes. We're so thankful for all the help. I'm sure I've forgotten someone, but know that whatever you've done, no matter how trivial, we appreciate it. Thanks again for all the prayers, we wouldn't be here without them.

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