My little princess slept in until 9 this morning. She's usually up around 7, even on weekends, so I checked on her twice before I finally woke her. We originally planned a Lord of the Rings mini-marathon, but she quit early. When we made the plans for today, I felt a rush of excitement and relief. Excitement to share one of my passions with my child, and relief that I only have one child. Occasionally it's nice to know you can plan a movie marathon, or reading session, or anything else and not have to worry about anyone else. It's just the two of us, so we can do whatever our hearts desire. Makeovers before bed? Sure, as long as you wash your face after. Surprise cinnamon rolls for breakfast? Might as well. Life is short, and I'm doing my best to enjoy it and teach her to do the same.
I've re-written this next paragraph at least three times tonight. Everything I type comes out wrong. I'm very thankful for the "backspace" button. There isn't a backspace in real life, and maybe that's a good thing. Looking back on 2013, there are many moments I would delete if I could. Even more in 2012, though not the moments you'd expect. I wouldn't change losing William. I wouldn't be where I am today if he were here. I still struggle with waiting. I know it's what God wants from me right now, but I feel so impatient. There are still days when I feel like I'm talking to the ceiling. "Can you hear me now? Because I don't think you heard the first 10,000 times I asked. When can we have a baby?" So I wait. And I look for the blessings. Spending time with my princess, writing love letters to my husband, cuddling my cats, living life. So many days I wonder if it's enough. I know I'm not patient enough. I wonder why God puts up with my rants. I wonder why anyone reads my blog, since I have nothing "new" to report. There's no baby, no vacations, no fancy home renovations. It's just a mom learning to wait on God. I'm thankful for everyone who takes the time to read, and I hope I'm helping someone other than just me. For months now I've felt led to share more about William on my blog. Friends and family know almost everything that happened, but I've been elusive in my writing. Maybe during our millionth snow day tomorrow I'll write about it. Until next time, keep waiting on Him.
This song is my prayer tonight. Build your kingdom here Lord, in our little home . Set our hearts on fire for you.