It's been a while since I've written. I know my last post was pretty depressing, so part of me was waiting for something really positive or inspirational to happen before I wrote again. My original intent in writing was to show a picture of what life is like when you're waiting on God, so not writing because I haven't heard anything is self-defeating.
So, what's it like to wait on God? Right now it's incredibly isolating. We've passed a few bugs around our house this year, and I have yet to go a full week disease-free. This has caused me to miss all my time in the church nursery, and miss my daily Bible study. I haven't been able to develop the workout routine I wanted, and my eating habits are just as horrible as last year (who WANTS to cook when they're sick?) I'm hopeful February will bring health and wealth, but I'm not holding my breath.
I know that I'm not the first woman to struggle with carrying a second baby to term, and I know I won't be the last. But right now all I really want is someone to wrap their arms around me and tell me it will be okay. I want a shoulder to cry on. I know I've needed that a lot these last few years, but waiting and continually not having answers is exhausting. Watching these friends arrange outings, those friends pop out baby after baby, and others disappear for their annual vacation while you're sitting at home cleaning house and attempting to make ends meet is frustrating. I've tried taking the occasional hiatus from social media, but that results in my missing out on important announcements. We don't know why I haven't carried a second baby to term. Yes, William had a chromosome disorder, but that didn't necessarily cause the miscarriage. Even if it did, by all estimates I should have conceived again by now. I know God is teaching me something right now, I just wish I knew what it was.
So until then I continue on. I keep going about the daily routine, putting a smile on as often as I can, and reminding myself THIS IS NOT THE END. She knows how her story will end, and she has her happy ending, but those ladies waited just like I am. Now, for today's mission: If you've experienced something that changed you; a miscarriage, the death of a parent. divorce; anything that left you staring at the ceiling asking "Why, God?" find a woman in your circle to share it with. Don't assume everyone knows, someone may not. Find someone who is walking a road eerily similar to yours, and pray with her and for her. Remind her that her story isn't finished. Send her a card or take her out for coffee once in a while. I know I'm not the only woman in the world who feels alone. Shed a ray of hope into someone else's storm. God bless and good night.