Wow, it's been a long time since I've posted! There are reasons for that, but they're too personal to go into here. I do have a couple of updates I can share, though.
Shortly after burying William I began searching for miscarriage support online. I have several friends who were incredibly supportive in the days and weeks immediately following, but no one really knew how to help me beyond that. They prayed for months (some of them are still praying!), but they didn't really know what else to do. Their journey through grief was different from mine in so many ways. So like millions, I turned to the internet. I found M.E.N.D. at just the right time. Their bi-monthly newsletters were encouraging and just what I needed. Last month I received a letter telling me about a group starting "near" me in Schaumburg, Illinois. I live about six hours south of Schaumburg, but I have family who's lived there for decades and my sister is going to school there. I waited, prayed and talked to my husband before finally emailing the director. She graciously put me in touch with the head of the Schaumburg chapter. I emailed her at my first chance, but haven't heard back yet. I hope I can attend their first meeting and offer support and encouragement.
I feel blessed to finally be at a place of peace. I don't know if Hope will be our only child, and I'm okay with that. I'm exercising and eating less, trying to lose all my depression weight, but for once I'm doing it because I want to be healthy, not because I think it'll get me pregnant. I still follow several adoption blogs, and pray that if that's where God wants us he will open the doors. I don't know what God has planned, but I know it is perfect.